Feeling stuck

For a while now I've felt pretty lethargic and dissatisfied, it's almost like the princess and the pea syndrome, something isn't quite right and I can't put my finger on it. I thought it was work (which has been pretty stressful of late) but I'm currently on a weeks holiday and the 'somethings-not-rightness' just hasn't shifted. Maybe I'm feeling bored and in need of some inspiration? I'm really not sure, but I do feel like something's zapped my energy and I need to get it back. How I'm going to do that, I have no idea. I think a good place to begin is by taking it back to the basics - eating well and getting plenty of rest. Then reconnecting with the things I love - reading, writing and playing games (which I haven't done in ages!), with perhaps a touch of creativity thrown in. So basically plenty of 'me' time is required.

I think I quite possibly am exhausted - 2013 was a busy year with the majority of my holiday's being spent decorating or building flat-pack furniture, copious amounts of home improvements including a brand new roof and new front door, as well as a rather traumatic relationship break up. Looking back, I don't think I ever appreciated all that I achieved - in fact I've probably never really given myself credit for my successes and have always demanded more...the result, as with anything, is burnout and the more I give myself the space to write on this tiny little corner of my blog, the clearer it becomes. So it's time to try and put things right, to spend the rest of my week off taking care of 'me', resting and doing the things I love.

And here's a little reminder in case I forget...

Couch to 5k

Work has been manic recently and i've hardly had any 'me' time. However, I have managed to carve myself a little of time out of my busy schedule to do something that I never thought i'd do - i've started running! I never thought I could run as attempts to train for the Race for Life when I was younger resulted in chronic leg pain and me swearing that i'd never run again. However, I found the NHS''s 'Couch to 5K' plan online and decided to give it a go. It's fabulous as it intersperses both running and walking, gradually building up the length of your running time as the weeks commence. I'm currently on week 3 and managed to run for three solid minutes last night without stopping, it seems like nothing, but when your there and your body is feeling drained, you're mind is telling you it's too much and you just want to stop for 'one minute - honest', it's a totally different story.

There's actually a group of us doing the 'Couch to 5k', we're all novice runners and our goal is to run the Jane Tomlinson 10k next June. Being part of a group has definitely helped me to stay motivated, it's much harder to miss that one night because you're feeling tired, have work to do, blah, blah, blah when you know that you're part of a team. Plus that 'I did it!' feeling when you get back from a run is amazing and always makes the whole experience worthwhile.

We've only just started the third week of 'Couch to 5k' but i've already noticed my legs firming up and that slight 'spare tyre' around my waist disappearing. I'm amazed that i'm noticing a difference in my body already as I always worked out before and didn't expect to see many changes in my body shape, but there you go, i'm definitely not complaining.

So that's where I am right now. I'm still working on the '12 week turnaround' (this is week 8) and getting rid of the clutter in my life, though I suspect that it's going to be a much more self-focussed and introspective journey than I first predicted. I'm excited about where i'll be by the end of week 12.

12 week turnaround: week 4

Well, just when you think you're on the road to getting things sorted, life throws something at you that you weren't expecting. Two days after writing this post, my relationship of (almost) 3 years ended - it came out of the blue, just like that, and it totally floored me. The past three weeks have been a bit of a blur as i've tried to come to terms with things, whilst simultaneously burying myself in my work. Needless to say, I have spent a lot of my time feeling very, very sad about the whole affair. The break up has brought new challenges with it, as i've had to pack up 'M' and the girls belongings and accept that our plans to move in and spend the rest of our lives together are no more.

I am slowly coming to terms with things, it's going to be a long process and i'm sure there'll be ups and downs along the way. Today though, I have felt better, I spent the morning pottering around in the greenhouse and I could feel the old, positive Vicky returning. I went and caught up with a particularly wise friend yesterday, was told a few home truths and I feel that marked a turning point - the message: I need to focus on myself more and show myself the same kindness that I offer to others - I will. As the weeks have passed I have started to reconnect with old hobbies and passions that I just didn't have time for when my weekends were committed to spending time with M and the children. Meditation, yoga, reading and visiting family and friends have all featured heavily and i've even bought myself a new tarot deck to explore - it's amazing what parts of yourself you can lose (sacrifice) when you're in a relationship. Today though, I feel hopeful; hopeful that my heart will mend, hopeful for the future and hopeful that I am slowly letting go of the person I have loved so dearly, without bitterness or resentment. There is hope.

12 week turnaround: week 1

I've just completed the first week of my 12 week turnaround and what a busy week it's been! Despite going away for the bank holiday weekend i've managed to tidy and declutter the cupboard under the kitchen sink, rehomed 3 cookery books, taken 2 foot off the very overgrown hedge, cut the grass and given it a much needed weed and feed, waterproofed the front of the house ready for winter and washed down and repainted the porch ready for my new front door which arrives on Wednesday. It's amazing what you can do in a week, although I have been off work so I suspect not all of my weeks will be as productive as this one. I've also learnt how to prune roses, it's been on my to-do list for ages but i've never got round to it, now after a quick search online (whatever did we do before the internet!) i'm a rose pruning 'expert' and my roses have just started to flower again.

I've also had a few offerings from the veg patch this week - some gorgeous freshly dug potatoes, broad beans and a large courgette. There's plenty more to come, especially courgettes as my 'dwarf' Verde di Milano courgette plants from the Real Seed catalogue  are taking over the veg patch!

I can't believe how huge they've grown, they've sprawled about a metre in width, and as I thought they were dwarf plants i've planted about 6 so the veg patch is slightly over-run at the moment. I suspect it's something to do with the erratic weather we've been having, or perhaps the huge mound of compost I planted them on, but i'm not complaining as they're producing plenty of flowers and hopefully lots of courgettes to follow.

12 week turnaround

So much has happened since my last visit to this blog. I've expanded my chicken flock, invested in an Eglu, refurnished the main bedroom (and even built my own flatpack furniture!), decorated the middle bedroom, decluttered and re-homed more things and had the house re-roofed. Phew! There's probably more but that's all that springs to mind at the moment.

The middle bedroom went from this...

...to this!

Despite my efforts, there still seems to be so much to do, so i've decided to mix it up a bit and see how much I can turn things around in the next 12 weeks. I'm not going to give myself a to-do list as it'll be so huge that i'll feel like giving up before I start, i'm just going to focus on turning things around one step at a time. Whilst the main focus is reclaiming my space, i'm going to apply the 12 week turnaround to my life in general and make time to enjoy long-forgotten hobbies and maybe discover a few new ones along the way! It feels exciting to be on the brink of something so fresh and unplanned. I wonder where i'll be 12 weeks from now?

Hetty, Betty and more decluttering

Sadly, Anais and Lily have recently passed away - I think as ex barn hens they were just 'egged out' and exhausted. This left Violet wandering around the huge run on her own and looking rather sorry for herself so i've got her a couple of new friends, a couple of bantams named Hetty and Betty:

At first there were fireworks as Violet chased them around the run, ensuring that they knew that she was the boss. I brought out extra feeders and drinkers, lifted them into the coop for the first couple of nights and by the end of the week she had accepted them as part of her flock. As you can see from their barely visible combs, they're only young so i'm not expecting any eggs from them until spring, but they seem happy and quite clucky in their new home.

I've also got another, rather exciting, new addition to the run coming very soon, but i'll save that for another post...

On the 'housey' front, I spent yesterday morning decluttering the cupboard underneath the stairs. I've found a few old coats that i'm going to drop off at the charity shop tomorrow and i've managed to finally organise my tins of paint and painting supplies from my 'decorate two bedrooms in two weeks' challenge in August (yes I do like to put the pressure on). I also got rid of two bags of junk that were lurking in there, recycling what I could, and I also discovered a bag of hay from my guinea-pig keeping days (over 2 years ago!) which i've rehomed in the shed ready for when I build my no-dig raised bed in the spring.

Today, i'm hoping to keep up with the decluttering vibe that's currecntly enthusing me by cleaning out the cupboards under the kitchen sink. I'm sure i'll find more junk, but hopefully some useful things too!

Progress

Remember the junked up area at the bottom of the garden that I posted about here, well four months later and i'm pleased to say that i've finally finished it (I said I was a flighty person!). The junk area has gone from this:

to this:

As you can see i've created another compost area and have started to lay down some cardboard to kill off the weed growth. I've also been given a load of tyres which i'm planning to grow next years potatoes in. The area isn't completely finished yet as i'm planning on building a no-dig raised bed there but i'm waiting until the weather's a bit warmer before I begin that, otherwise the bed will keep in the cold.

Well at least that's one thing I can tick off my list and my life now feels slightly more clutter-free!