Well, just when you think you're on the road to getting things sorted, life throws something at you that you weren't expecting. Two days after writing this post, my relationship of (almost) 3 years ended - it came out of the blue, just like that, and it totally floored me. The past three weeks have been a bit of a blur as i've tried to come to terms with things, whilst simultaneously burying myself in my work. Needless to say, I have spent a lot of my time feeling very, very sad about the whole affair. The break up has brought new challenges with it, as i've had to pack up 'M' and the girls belongings and accept that our plans to move in and spend the rest of our lives together are no more.
I am slowly coming to terms with things, it's going to be a long process and i'm sure there'll be ups and downs along the way. Today though, I have felt better, I spent the morning pottering around in the greenhouse and I could feel the old, positive Vicky returning. I went and caught up with a particularly wise friend yesterday, was told a few home truths and I feel that marked a turning point - the message: I need to focus on myself more and show myself the same kindness that I offer to others - I will. As the weeks have passed I have started to reconnect with old hobbies and passions that I just didn't have time for when my weekends were committed to spending time with M and the children. Meditation, yoga, reading and visiting family and friends have all featured heavily and i've even bought myself a new tarot deck to explore - it's amazing what parts of yourself you can lose (sacrifice) when you're in a relationship. Today though, I feel hopeful; hopeful that my heart will mend, hopeful for the future and hopeful that I am slowly letting go of the person I have loved so dearly, without bitterness or resentment. There is hope.
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